What’s the earliest you’ve ever had Dinner?

Me? It was at about 11 am and in Melbourne because I wanted to see what Heston Blumenthal was made of and also what he could make out of high quality Australian ingredients.

Hence a pre-midday dinner at Dinner by Heston.

After The Fat Duck’s short stint in Australia, Heston left us with the gentlemanly gift of Dinner before boarding the next flight out. Dinner by Heston has won countless awards worldwide for its take on modern British cuisine; I was excited to get amongst it as someone who’s only point of contact with British culture is watching the Ashes.

So let’s get play started:

I speak Mandarin quite fluently and even I had no chance of understanding what was placed in front of me.

I was told that it was made of chicken liver but it still looked like something I had sitting in my fruit bowl at home (just kidding, I don’t have a fruit bowl or any fruit at home). I was told I was to spread it across bread but they gave me a butter knife to tear into this mandarin like object. Should I just use my hands?

Instead of bright orange flesh, I saw what all the pundits were talking about once my knife sliced through the exterior. Sweet, yet savoury the complex combo of flavours that were popping off in my mouth all at once. Also, save some bread from the opener as the portion is quite generous and you’ll be wanting to spread it on anything you can put into your mouth.

Acidic, warm and with more textures than a clothing factory; this porridge was definitely a step above my oats in the morning. The base was a little bit smokey, a little bit sour and quite zesty as well. The abalone was just so tender to the point where I was half expecting it to send me good morning, good afternoon and good night texts after our first date.

This cut of beef was almost liquid. Cutting through it with my steak knife was like using a lightsaber to slice through jelly or persuading the original Pink Power Ranger to ask me for a favour; way too freaking easy.

Trying to describe a brilliant steak is like trying to explain a beautiful song. Try as you might; the experience can only be conveyed if the person undergoes the same experience you do and even then it might not be exactly the same….but undoubtedly delicious.

Ok, so these chips came with the steak but they deserve their own paragraph. I’ve had millions of fries and chips in my life; I can send you a photo of my waistline as proof.

So these chips…man. Almost hollow and pure crunch, it’s impossible for these potatoes to get soggy. Lather them with mushroom ketchup and the crispy nature remains uncompromised; I’m pretty sure this is the pinnacle of fries.

Oh snap(per), we have ourselves another killer dish in the form of fish.

The sauce is pure butter cream that makes the flaky snapper the perfect vessel for soaking up the rich flavour. Even the leaves, roast onions and mussels are teeming with this incredible wealth. It’s like your super successful buddy that still helps out all of the people he grew up with, regularly donates to charity and spreads the love to everybody.

Think a bread and butter pudding served with a side of roasted pineapple stolen from the finest Brazilian churrasco. The bread in this situation is soft brioche that just goes so well with the sour kick of the pineapple. Every bite is hearty and a great way to cap off my midday dinner.

I could get used to this.

Here’s the TL;DR for everyone who has tried to make plans to go to Dinner for lunch and gotten super confused looks:

• The Meat Fruit is something you should definitely meat.
• It’d be a mis-steak if you didn’t go for the steak.
• It’d be a mi-steak in general if you didn’t go have dinner at Dinner by Heston.