I bought my first car as a fresh faced seventeen year old. It was an archaic black BMW Sedan that was older than Elton John but minus the song writing ability (thank you, Sir Elton, for the Lion King soundtrack).

I bought it under the assumption that I would be getting my license shortly afterwards.

Turns out that I underestimated how lazy busy I would get and that I wouldn’t get my license ’til four years after I purchased the car. Since then, I’ve been driving my Dad’s trusty Holden but I think I deserve a new set of wheels for myself.

It’s a tough decision so I thought I’d do my research by listening to hip hop poetry.

The great poet, Lloyd Banks (of G-Unit), once asked his listeners:

“Beamer, Benz or Bentley?”

I made my choice by going to Bentley on Saturday (try and tell me that wasn’t my most elaborate opening yet):

I’ve been wanting to go to Bentley for a while (a solid two weeks but a while sounds better). Crystal (from Instagram) decided to take me as a belated birthday celebration. My birthday may have been in January but people celebrate their birthdays three months later, right?

I had no idea what I wanted to sample so we decided to sample EVERYTHING.

We opened with an item that wasn’t on the menu. I love things that aren’t on the menu, it’s like hearing unreleased music from your favourite band or having access to my old blogs about why girls don’t like me. It’s special.

This is easily the best looking crackling I’ve ever had. I know they say that Orange is the new Black but I don’t even watch that show so whatever. It was really crispy and I imagine that this is what Pringles would do if they were allowed to have chefs cater each individual can. It was a seafood infused chip and absolutely delicious.

First course!

Yeah, it may look like sand but this was the best tasting sand I’ve had since this girl named Sandra back in-I should stop.

Anywho, the first dish might’ve been my favourite one. It was my first time trying foie gras and I’d gladly make its acquaintance again. There was a cheesiness to it that was completely unexpected yet pleasant. I was also very surprised to taste how well it went with raspberry.

The fact that these two dynamics worked well together adds weight to my theory that cheese makes everything better.

That may sound cheesy (heh) but it’s what I believe.

That is exactly how the dish was served; I swear I didn’t move the item for an artistic angle.

This dish was great. I’m not normally a fan of scampi but the creaminess of the avocado made this dish a real winner. The crunchiness of the lettuce was a really nice dish to go with the soft scampi.

Note: Not a great dish to eat on your date unless you know for sure that the girl you’re with is into blackened teeth.

Even then, why are you out with a girl who’s into blackened teeth? I know it’s been a while but you can do better, buddy.

Sorry, sidetracked. This was calamari unlike I’ve ever had it before. I’ve always had calamari that was chewy and sort of stringy but Bentley’s calamari was ridiculously tender like a Brian McKnight ballad. I kind of wish there had been more samphire but I always want more of everything so feel free to ignore me (please don’t stop reading).

There was a strong Asian influence throughout this dish. Oddly enough, I’ve never really had quail like this in any Asian restaurant. The quail’s texture was quite different and I would’ve believed you if you had told me it was ham. This was really good and was one of the highlights of the night.

This was the dish I was looking forward to all night. I’m a huge fan of pork and knowing that this dish was bacon its way towards me had me very excited.

You can already see where this is going. I had such high expectations that this course actually fell a bit flat for me. I love fatty pork and the sweet cheeks of this boar were lean. The flavours were nice and the crust on the pork was a nice touch but give iFat his fatty pork.

Uh oh, I was responsible for digesting a national icon. Am I in trouble? Would I get off easier if I just pleaded guilty to illegally downloading every available episode of Game of Thrones?

I was warned by my date that kangaroo meat was incredibly lean. She knows about my affinity for fat so I didn’t have sky high expectations for this course. The sauce that lathered this hunk of Skippy made up for the lack of fat. There was a sour tinge to it that gave it a nice kick. The baked potatoes were also impeccable; a simple side that definitely increased the overall quality of the dish.

On to the desserts:

Our waitress described this as our ‘palette cleanser.’

Well, I wish I had a dirty palette all the time because this dessert was amazing. The green apple kick that this dessert provided was worthy of a in-his-prime Bruce Lee. This dessert also had another weird combination in white chocolate and apples but it worked once again. This also belongs in the discussion of best dish of the night.

The finale!

I seem to be using synonyms for unprecedented a lot throughout this blog but everything on offer was completely new to me. Aerated chocolate was another unfamiliar sensation and one I would love to get very familiar with if you catch my drift.

This dessert was a smorgasbord of different flavours and textures. I’m not sure how you were supposed to eat this so I just shoved everything into my mouth at once.

It worked, ok?

Here’s the TL; DR for all the dudes who have ever sat in their best friend’s rides as they’ve tried to holler at girls:

– Four month birthday celebrations rock.

– Seriously, what happened to Lloyd Banks? The dude was rap’s next big superstar and now he’s about as relevant as the chk chk boom chick.

– Bentley’s a great way to get girls. Heh.

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Bentley Restaurant and Bar, CBD

27 O’Connell Street, CBD

Opening Hours:

Dinner from 6PM: Monday – Saturday

Lunch from 12PM: Monday – Friday