One of the most disappointing moments of my life so far was when I saw Spiderman 3 for the first time.

I’m a big Spiderman fan, I have a Spiderman bobble head sitting on my desk at work and I’ve seen the first movie starring Tobey Maguire at least a dozen times.  Can you imagine how excited sixteen year old Isaac was for the third installment of the trilogy? It was going to feature VENOM, James Franco had finally found out who murdered his old man and Spiderman 2 had blown my socks off (seriously, I didn’t wear socks for weeks).

Then, I watched the movie. It was bloated, felt rushed and extremely tacked together. There was a five minute scene in which Peter Parker momentarily became emo and danced around a bar that makes my stomach squirm to this day. They got the guy from That 70s show to portray the most notorious villain in the Spiderman universe and there was very little pay off. The movie was so bad that the guys in charge of the franchise decided to reboot the whole thing five years later.

Then again, maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I had just told myself that it was going to be the greatest movie/moment of my life and it was bound to fall short.

Maybe it’s my fault.

Maybe…..this was an extremely long winded introduction about how high expectations can sometimes have an impact on how much you enjoy your meal and it takes a special kitchen to live up those expectations.

Perhaps, a kitchen that resides in the Paramount building in Surry Hills?

When I first decided to join the food blogging community, I compiled a list of all the places I wanted to go to and Paramount Coffee Project was on top of the list. It was blowing up the food blogosphere and everyone seemed to be enamoured with the newest addition to the cafe scene in Surry Hills.

I had to find out for myself.

Better late than never, right?

I know the picture makes it look deserted but I assure you it was quite packed. I went with a homie at an obscure hour to hopefully counteract the crowd. Success, we got a table immediately albeit a shared one right next to the coffee machine and kitchen.

I had been preparing for this day for months, I knew exactly what to order… but the choices on the menu were so tantalising and almost made me stray from my path.

We started with a couple of drinks:

I’m a sucker for novelty containers. I have nothing against a regular glass, but I much prefer sipping something out of a jar. This is the exact opposite of what happens in my house, I am obviously under the influence of something if you see me guzzling the contents of a jar and you should probably call an ambulance or throw a glass (or jar) of water in my face.

Oh right, the soda.

The soda was very refreshing. It tasted very authentic and the strawberry shrapnel definitely strengthened its case. It wasn’t sickly sweet like some store brand strawberry sodas and served as a great accomplice to the dishes to follow.

All the reviews I read insisted that I try a milkshake. I knew that it was vital to trust the strangers on the internet and immediately ordered one. It was very rich and the balance between peanut butter and jelly was great. The combination is one that hasn’t been fully embraced outside of America, but my metaphorical arms have definitely clung onto it unconditionally.

Now on to the burger that has been served to me by Anna Kendrick in my dreams for the past couple of months:

Wait, I’ve got to undress this fox first. I’m a burger pervert.

Mmm, work it baby.

My friend was already halfway through her burger before I even had my way with mine. I was too busy appreciating it. It was just like what happened with Raff’s pork belly burger at Chur. I was face to face with something I’d been thinking about for a long time and my body was trembling at the thought.

Would it be Spiderman? Or Spiderman 3?

I took a bite into the po boy with its delightful soft shell crabs (shaped like spiders, my analogies aren’t that farfetched!) and was immediately at peace with the world. The buttermilk bun was divine and didn’t let its contents leak out like buns that other places implement. The two crabs within were fried perfectly. I’m a fan of ranch dressing but this incarnation wasn’t as salty as I was expecting and served as an additional texture for this fantastic burger.

It was definitely like watching Spiderman…except in my mouth.

Oh, this is what my friend had:

Have to undress this one too, mm-hmm.

Here’s what my buddy thought about her burger:

“The pulled lamb was very tender and went very well with the hickory sauce. There was just the right amount of the horseradish aioli and the bun was nice & squishy”

I’d offer my insight but all I did was steal her onion rings.

Here’s the TL; DR for everyone that couldn’t see me as Spiderman and are shocked to see that I’m spitting venom:

– Spiderman 3 sucked.

– Paramount Coffee Project’s milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard.

– There is nothing wrong with having high expectations, that just means you have high standards and that you’re not willing to settle for anything less than a superb crab po boy.

The Paramount Coffee Project, Surry Hills

80 Commonwealth Street,  Surry Hills (not too far away from Central station)

Opening Hours:

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