I’m a very flawed person but I’ve already felt that one of my major strengths was that I was self aware. I very rarely take risks or try things that I don’t think I can pull off. With that being said, I can do a lot of things better than most people.

Er….none of that stuff really comes to mind right now. Good God, where I was going with this?

Oh right! I can shoot a basketball. Not at an NBA level, Hell, probably not even an NBL level. I’m also not claiming to be a great basketball player but I can shoot it ok. Ok, I can’t really shoot three pointers spectacularly but I hit more than I miss. It’s because I never really practiced the three but still….I can hit it.

You know what I should’ve practiced? The five pointer.

Wait, you mean there’s no such thing as a shot worth five points?

Then where the Hell did I have lunch today?

Five Points is the latest contender for best burger in Sydney. Headed by chef Tomislav Martinovic (former employee at the Fatttest of Ducks), the burgers are all named after boroughs of New York and the influence of the greatest city in the world is very apparent (you’ll find out soon).

The only problem is that it’s across the bridge and only open on weekdays. I unfortunately don’t work up in the north and accepted the fact that I would only ever be eating their delicious burgers vicariously.

Then I remembered that I was better at inception than Leonardo Dicaprio.

First, I linked my boss to Ramen Raff’s review. Then I pointed out the fact that no one would be stupid enough to drive to North Sydney considering the weather looked like it had been lifted straight out of “The Day After Tomorrow.”

Before you knew it, we were on our way.

Ok, looks like we weren’t the only ones who were keen for burgers.

Damn.

Let’s get to the food that everyone was willing to line up for:

I was here for a burger and fries but hey, I needed something to wash it down.

I did not expect to be washing it down with a chocolate milkshake worthy of Kelis needing to purchase her own island. This milkshake will all the boys will be banging her door down, jumping over fences, burrowing through the lawn and doing whatever they need to do to get a hold of it.

It’s rich, thick and has a nice malt touch that all of my favourite milkshakes have.

These chips are awesome, let’s move on.

Just kidding, this wouldn’t be an iFat review if I didn’t include 500 words of nonsensical babble that have absolutely nothing to do about food. I have a quota to hit so bear with me for a bit.

The chips were delightfully crunchy but not to the point in which you’d be slightly weary of someone using them as a deep fried shiv. The seasoning that danced on top of the chips was also in sync like a boy band that started in the 90s then crumbled in the o0s because their lead singer realised he had more talent in his left pinkie than the rest of the group and said bye bye bye.

Let’s start with the patty. It’s f*cking gorgeous like me making sweet love to a girl who is clearly using a fake name which makes her sound like a stripper.

It’s a smashed style patty that is cooked to perfection. The key indicator of its cooking quality is the crust that is detectable as soon as you sink your teeth into it. My homie Chocolatesuze recommended getting a double because having double of something this heavenly is never a bad thing.

The buns are brioche and I detected a healthy serving of butter in their preparation which I enjoyed. Sometimes an overly sweet brioche doesn’t blend as well with the rest of the flavours so I think the increase in butter was a great tactic.

This was a great burger and it’s hard to imagine it getting any better.

Wait, does anyone else smell bacon?

This is a Manly burger because its a burger you eat it near Manly.

To say that this is a slight improvement over the Manhattan would be like saying that going from a bicycle to a Ferrari is a slight upgrade. The bacon is very crispy (I hate soggy bacon) and the onion jam strikes the perfect balance between sweet and savoury. I loved the cheese in my burger as it had already melted by the time I picked it up from the counter. Melted cheese makes me melt, it’s a vicious cycle (not the same cycle I made a joke about at the beginning of the paragraph).

Five points is a perfect five points out of five for me and a worthy contender for what’s becoming a very heated brawl for best burger in Sydney.

Here’s the TL;DR for everyone else who thought my opening paragraph was one of the worst I’ve ever written (I need an editor)

– Five Points is definitely a place all burger aficionados will have to visit. I haven’t been this impressed since Mister Gee (it’s still my favourite).

– A lot of burger places are going to have to figure out how to bridge the gap now (heh).

– I’ll be releasing a list on my favourite burgers in Sydney with an old friend soon. Yes, I know this has been done before (shout outs to Concrete Playground). But it won’t have to be done again when I’ve released my list. You know what it is.

***

Five Points, North Sydney

124 Walker Street, North Sydney (enter via Berry Street)

Opening Hours:
Monday to Friday: 11am – 5pm

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