You know what my ideal Friday consists of?

Drinking tea, playing cards and catching up with my friends as long as it means I don’t have to leave the house (thank you Skype, telephones and smoke signals). I’m usually completely drained on a Friday night after a hard week of work and being a sex symbol; I’m just not as full of energy as I used to be.

You know what my ideal Friday doesn’t consist of?

Being at a bar. With one exception…if you’re a bar or a pub that does excellent food, maybe you do killer chicken or make burgers that would turn men with deep voices into girls with the range of Ariana Grande. In those exceptions, then I would be happy to be inside of you.

This past Friday, I was inside the Henson in Marrickville and it felt amazing.

Located in Marrickville, the Henson is a rather spacious gastropub with indoor and outdoor seating. It is also one of the only pubs I’ve ever been to that is actually family friendly. There’s a kid’s play section and there were plenty of parents who had brought the little ones out for a feed.

The Henson is one of the restaurants that has been sitting on my to-visit list since its creation. I remember seeing a photo of an absolutely gorgeous looking burger and going ‘I must have you.’ It’s exactly how I intend to approach online dating when I’ve dated all the fish in the sea.

Let’s go fishing for some food:

When I look back at 2014, I’ll remember it as the year of the sweet potato fry.

I’ve ordered them at 2/3 of the past company lunches (shout outs to the Pie Tin and Brooklyn Social ). I tend to use them to gauge how good the meal is going to be.

We were off to a strong start with these fries. They were incredibly crunchy and the nigella seeds added a taste that you don’t often encounter in the sweet potato realm. The real winner was the tahini yogurt sauce that came with it. Healthier than mayo and aioli but just as tasty? I might have to change my blog from iFat to iTakeCareOfMyBodySometimes.

My co-worker’s beef burger was the first to arrive and he had eaten half before mine had even arrived. He said the pickles were incredibly tasty and that the meat to bun ratio was unseen. You could’ve taken the two buns and stuffed them in between the patty to form a weird beef version of KFC’s Double Down monstrosity.

My other co-worker opted for my second choice burger. Again, the ratio of meat to buns was absolutely ridiculous. The chicken was shoving its way out of the buns like a teenager sneaking out to a rave. The chicken was a great example of Japanese karaage chicken as it retained all the highlights of fried chicken minus the grease.

Now, on to what I got and boy, it’s a doozy.

You know that phrase: ‘the struggle is real?’

Here’s my remix:

“The struggle is crab”

Let me explain why I think crab is an analogy for life. We’ve all been around friends who are having crab for the first time. They hold up a crab leg confusedly and stare at you as if they can somehow extract knowledge from your brain about how to extract meat from what appears to be nothing but hollow shell. You give them a nutcracker and they hold it like it’s coated in an infectious disease. Throughout the course of the meal, they slowly understand what to do. They snatch the last of the crab claws, break through the shell and finally reach the glorious crab meat.

Euphoria erupts over their face, a triumphant smile and a quick fist pump under the table.

I didn’t really explain myself did I? Well, crab is like life because it’s tough to crack; but once you figure it out? The possibilities (and amount of crab meat) are endless.

I know what you’re wondering: “Did he order the soft shell crab burger just so he could type all of that?”

Yep, that’s exactly why. Bonus: the burger was absolutely delicious. The soft shell crab was crunchy and all the accompanying condiments enhanced the mixed texture that all well-made soft shell crabs bring to the table. By the way, don’t take the toothpick out of the burger until you absolutely have to or it’ll become a soft shell crab salad with complementary buns.

So yeah, you can either struggle with the crab that is life. Or you can pop by the Henson and enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed: deliciously and deep fried.

***

Here’s the TL;DR for everyone that’s just shaking their head at that last paragraph:

– The Henson is a kid friendly pub. It’s going to become even more popular if the government lowers the drinking age to 7.

– Baby, I know I don’t say this much but you’re my sweet potato.

– I’ve already applied a trademark to ‘the struggle is crab.” T-shirt coming soon.

The Henson, Marricville

91 Illawarra Road, Marrickville

Opening Hours:

Monday-Saturday: 11am-midnight

Sunday: 11am-10pm

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