People flock to Los Angeles for beaches, the chances to see stars, recreate action sequences from GTA V and to drive down a freeway with the top down whilst admiring the gorgeous palm trees that line the streets.

Me?

I went for sluts.

More specifically, I went for Eggslut in Los Angeles.

How was that for a s-eggway? Heh.

Eggslut is one of LA’s hottest breakfast/brunch spots. It’s come a long way from its humble beginnings as a food truck rumbling around West Hollywood to establishing a store in Grand Central Market downtown Los Angeles (hey Mister Gee, maybe you should follow its lead and open a store as well. Just saying).

 

I’m warning you right now, the wait for this place is kind of crazy. It’s like that one girl you’ve always had a thing for except she’s always in super stable relationships and you only ever get a very small window every couple of years to ask her out before someone else latches on to her. You’ve got to go either just after breakfast, right before lunch or just as it’s about to close (but not super late) so you can avoid the queues.

Even then, it’s worth the wait. This isn’t a reggular slut you’re lining up for.

…not that I encourage lining up for sluts.

Let’s move on to the food:

Up first is something that is sure to be bacon you jealous as you think about your cold ham sandwich in the communal fridge in the office.

All orders at Eggslut are made to order and every bite you take reminds you of it. The bacon, egg and cheese sandwich features a generous amount of crispy, smoked bacon with a gooey egg and chipotle ketchup that adds a hot kick to the overall dynamic. The brioche buns encasing the bacon & egg is fluffy and toasted to perfection. As expected, the yolk porn generated by medium cooked egg made me begg for more of its sweet ooze all over the insides of my breakfast sandwich.

The sausage breakfast sandwich was a favourite amongst my group and one of the **SPOILER ALERT* biggest reasons that we went back a second time. My buddies and I just couldn’t resist d-egging into this scrumptious bun once again. The turkey sausage was really great (had a very rich turkey flavour) but the sunnyside star of the show is the sweet honey mustard aioli that combines with the egg yolk to make this an extremely seductive and saucy slut

Man, I’m still uncomfortable every time I type the word. It’s never easy…unlike a slut. Heh.

Here she is, the one that everyone needs to have a turn with.

Whilst she may look innocent, she’s just waiting for you to dip your baguette into her oozing centre.

Oh God, I’m getting removed from the web aren’t I?

Let me explain with some more pictures (not those type of pictures):

I consider myself to be a relatively creative person. I always have really random ideas that I want to put into fruition whether it’s at work, in my writing or on the dance floor. For some reason, I’ve never thought about how well potato and egg would go together. This is most likely due to the reason that I only ever have potatoes in French fry form.

The beautiful textures combined to form a potent mixture perfect for coating your crunchy (but fluffy on the inside) baguette in (damn it, why does everything I say sound dirty).

On to something less slutty (I’m just yolking, everything’s dirty):

Eggslut serves its breakfast items all day. This is great for the homies who like to sleep in unlike me who likes waking up before the sun and playing Checkers with my buddies Frank and Agatha at the old folks’ home.

Once the clock ticks past 11:30, Eggslut unleashes its lunch menu which includes the aforementioned cheeseburger.

This was probably my least favourite item on the menu which seems blasphemous since I put “Burger” under religion whenever the census comes around. The buns and eggs were of the utmost quality and I loved the all-star pickles they used in the cheeseburger (it had a sour tinge instead of a sour punch in the side of your mouth). I wasn’t a huge fan of the wagyu patty but it’s possible that all of the other elements served to drown it out. It’s like being the other member of Destiny’s Child, you might be hot and talented, but you’re still not Kelly Rowland or Beyonce.

But hey, you’re still accredited for “Say My Name” so at least you have that going for you.

Oh, hello Beyonce.

Can you see the halo hovering over this amazing burger? The wagyu is almost beyond comprehension as its super tender and well seasoned. It’s so good that you can almost say it’s irreplaceable. The use of chimmichurri was a stroke of genius and the chefs at Eggslut should have such huge egos due to how good their work is.

To sum it up, this gaucho burger was the Bonnie to my Clyde and that I’d love to put a ring on its metaphorical fingers.

 

Here’s the TL;DR for everyone who’s still trying to figure out every Beyonce reference from the last paragraph:

– You’ll have to line up whatever time you go so be ready for this jelly.

– All day breakfast should be mandatory for all establishments that serve it. I should be able to order them if I’m craving scrambled eggs at dinner time and can’t be bothered cooking because I might burn the house down.

– My favourite items were the gaucho and the slut. God I loved the slut…..do I win the “this sentence would be so weird out of context” award.

– Eventually, when my autobiography comes out, this will be the eggxcerpt about the culmination of my trips to the USA: “The closest I ever came to resembling Arnold Schwarzenegger was when I left the premise of Eggslut, looked off into the distance and muttered “I’ll be back. Again.”

Eggslut, Los Angeles

317 S. Broadway
Los Angeles, CA 90013

Inside Grand Central Market

Stall D-1 (located on the Broadway side of the market)

Open 7 days a week from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm

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